I'm just gonna go right into this blog! We started dating as boyfriend and girlfriend after a few dates. Sudden, I know. I even had doubts about it... just thought I was being close minded. (I gotta trust myself more.) Anyways, we both agreed we weren't going to see anyone else and just took a leap. Well, shortly after, we noticed the space that we were trying to leap over, was much too big.
Break-ups: Everyone goes through them. Totally saw this one coming too! After almost a month "together", only seeing each other on weekends and a text and call here and there, I was sure things were going "ok". I mean I liked that we only saw each other on weekends. It was enough for me and obviously more than enough for him.
But then conversations started getting shorter and awkward. It became a short "How was your day?" thing instead of a full-on conversation. Don't get me wrong; he’s an awesome guy. I would even go as far as saying “amazing” but once again, not the awesome/amazing guy for me.
We started to learn more and more about each other and some things I liked and others not so much. That’s how all relationship are though... like I've said, we all have our flaws and either the other person deals with them or they have got to move on! I was willing to deal with his. I was really interested in where things could go between us. And him, being a very optimistic person. I want to believe he thought the same.
Here’s how it all happened. He had control over when we spoke and when we saw each other. Disagree with me if you want to, but relationships are 50/50. No one should have that much control in a relationship! Not the male or female! Your option matters. It should be spoken and an agreement should be met. That doesn't mean that you can’t have it all your way sometimes because seeing your "other" happy should make you happy. It’s not always going to be about you. Once you’re in a relationship you become a team. Remember that.
Okay, so it’s Valentine’s Day. Love Day. Awww!! :)) lol. So after only texting twice that day, we finally had a phone conversation. One thing leads to another and he decides to pull the whole "it’s not you, it’s me" card. Long story short, we hung up and after hanging up I looked towards my chair and smiled. For the first time, I didn't blame my chair. I know who I am and he knew everything, for the most part, that I came with. If the break-up was because he couldn't handle my chair, I already knew that I didn't want my wheels to be blamed this time.
It was exactly what I had first wished for! I wished that my wheels would not have feelings this time. If this would go good or bad I wouldn't hold a grudge and hate or applaud and give full recognition to the metal and wheels I call my legs. When people are willing to date you while you’re in your chair, you must try to understand that they might not know everything about dating someone on wheels, but they at least have an idea of what they are getting into. So don’t blame your chair! If you must blame anything blame us being human. We all aren't meant for each other and that’s what differentiates us and makes us all so beautiful!
As of right now, I'm ok with the break-up. I understand people don’t always have to get along and I believe you gotta "kiss a few frogs before you find your prince." What I'm not ok with is someone saying "I thought you were stronger than that." I understand he was a military guy and has seen more than most of us but to put someone down who had been through so much and keeps smiling the way I do was so wrong! I didn't expect him, nor do I expect anyone else, to understand me. However I do expect respect. I give it before I receive it and I give lots of it.
Those words are similar to the ones spoken by my last ex: "I would have asked you to be my wife by now if all this didn't happen." Trust me, I have a clear picture of him sitting in the car looking straight at me while his lips spoke those words. Words hurt. Words can make me cry but that doesn't mean I'm not strong. Just because I put forward a bit more effort to understand why things were happening the way they were, doesn't make me weak either. If anything I encourage you to ask questions on where things went wrong. Not always so you can fix the problem with that person but so you can be aware of it for the next. Because there will be a next. We SCI people are proof that just like love, life rolls on. The past is the past. Leave it there. God gave us eyes only on one side of our body. If we were supposed to look back we would physically be able to without having to turn around. :)) So look forward!
Now, for the people who cry heavily. I know there are some of you who do after a break-up. I've been there before. Just know, it’s okay to cry! Don’t let anyone tell you to be "strong" or not to cry. Because I feel, crying or not, we all are strong. Every one of us. We are strong because some of us have the courage not to cry and because some of us DO have the courage to cry. It takes a lot for someone to let their emotions out. Just because we cry doesn't mean we are weak. It simply means we have been strong for too long.
So if needed, grab that box of tissues and a romance film. Give it a day and tomorrow wake up and look in the mirror and smile. You might not look your best; you may have puffy eyes from crying but please smile. You might even still be hurt but still SMILE because you’re STILL here. Smile when you look in that mirror not because of what you see but because you can! Things could always be so much worse. On that note: Wear a smile. Smile because you can. Smile because what happens today, good or bad, it will always prepare you for tomorrow and I promise... tomorrow you will be only "stronger."
- Steph Aiello